Whiteness

The other day i was discussing about a white person who went to study shamanism in Peru. This person opened a center. And has since put out books and does podcast. This opened up the question, is anything wrong with this?

Maybe wrong is heavy, but is there more to the story. Are white people allowed to learn shamanism of another culture? To be trained as a shaman someone must have taught you, so there is some sort of approval or acceptance that must be had to learn this knowledge. I wonder, do many Shamans in South America like the idea of their ancestral knowledge leaving their tribes? Its hard for me to imagine how they perceive it, and what are the implications where some Shamans believe in spreading the teachings and others dont?

Perhaps this isnt only about whiteness. Its just the fact white people have colonized lands, goods, that even now absorbing of ideas can be seen as something to speculate on.

Why is our culture failing us to an extent that we need to go to other cultures to fix and heal us? And what does it say that to go to these other cultures requires a form of wealth and expendable income not everyone in our culture has. Yoga culture. Organic foods. Are we creating this more ‘conscious’ part of society, yet not everyone can even participate. We prescribe these as healing modalities to our culture, yet is everyone able to participate at an equal level in this. Are we saying this is healing for middle class people, but anyone not capable will just not be healed, not be at peace. I find myself noticing these little blind spots more. How much of my friends are middle class and white. How much perspective and bubble do i really live in? I used to think that most Canadians my age are just living some slightly different version or reality of my life. How true is that? Would i have had all the jobs ive had if i was BIPOC? I have a used car gifted from a cousin, which has allowed me to do electrician work, would those same abundance in my life exist if i wasnt white. Is what i call normal really actually a privledge some people around me are not also experiencing.

Its slightly upsetting to acknowledge that. How much of my life is me or just my skin color, age, gender, belief system? This is also called intersectionality, and i find it shows up in small subtle ways to me, but is much more amplified and present for other groups of people.

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Appreciation

We can be so impulsive to describe what isnt working or why something is wrong. And overlook what value things in our lives give us. It can be such a common oversight. Neglecting what matters to us, over emphasizing whats new, whats next, what hasnt happened. We can be quick to forget those in our constant new world. I wonder how other cultures and times dealt with this. Why do we not ‘see through it’ naturally. Why are we falling victim to these forces that blindside us and that we dont understand. How can we be so unprepared to live in a society and times we find ourselves. Is knowing not enough. We know the world moves quick. To cherish those people and moments in our lives. Yet, we are distracted. Loosing priority of what matters. Must we wait and hope the times change for us to transcend this. Will we be victim to these over stimulation environments. I contemplate that. Clearly the over stimulation validates something for me. The need to constantly learn, quick growth. Is growth simply dopamine hits? Is it more holistic then that, or is it isolating one part of the human experience and claiming that to be enough. These theories and ideas are a reflection of our world, and challenges everyone will face. To make these a priority is to put less influence on the things around us. Making the best of everything suddenly is about needing less. Not taking any and every opportunity. Its a psychology of seeing that more has more setbacks. More complications. That simplicity. Contentment. Self-acceptance. Completeness. These are all emotions we arnt relying on the world outside us to validate. They are psychological states that are about deciphering between ourselves and the world around us.

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[Insert title here]

For years the ferry rides to the islands and looking at the ocean have been things ive really identified with. The vastness. The sheer amounts of water are unfathomable. In a universe where we are searching for water, its a miracle to be where we are – perhaps one of the few places in the solar system where water like this exists. What a phenomenon. I see it as god. I feel so humbled and small compared to such magnitude of size.

I find my cold dips have taught me alot. Eventually, the water always wins. I can stay awhile but eventually i need to acknowledge my limits and leave. The water outlasts me. It has more strength, its being so powerful. These forces i respect. I learn to absorb its strength. But i can only take so much, eventually, it says its time to leave.

The ocean so blue. The mountains look blue too. Yet the mountains are forests, why do they look blue? Ive read about this. As objects are further the colors change. The reflection of the sky. Such an interesting phenomenon.

Unrelated to islands or water, ive been thinking. You know when your approaching a red light on a bike, and another biker is there before you and has pressed the crosswalk button before you, and by the time you arrive the light is green for you? I wonder if this is whats Teslas done. It was in the ev world first, it hit the button, waiting for society to change, and now that its that time, all these other EV companies are building off that momentum they helped create. I wonder if thats whats happening.

With extreme winds, powerlines are fragile. Will these fears spur peoples interest in renewable energy. Solar panels on the roof insulate you from vulnerabilities in the transmission lines, if say they fell. Wind turbines can be closer to big cities, then say hydro dams, coal plants, etc, thus reducing the distances between where electricity is generated and where it is used. I wonder. I think climate change is accelerating these solutions.

I think thats all thats on my mind. Sending a hi from my ferry ride!

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Stocks

Today was socializing with my roommates about how investing is more accessible then ever these days. The ability for people to take money out of a bank and invest is so seemless. To invest in apple or tesla years ago must have been such a more complicated procedure. How will businesses change with people being able to invest easier. Being able to get funding quicker and faster. And everyone chasing those unicorn evaluations. Being able to say they invested in the big company. Its important to recognize people bought in companies they believed in. Ceos they believed in. Thats really the essential piece to all this. To really believe in what your buying. Yet maybe that wont make you 1000x your money. There is still is that temptation forsure. But it is a willingness to learn. To see where change makers want to take things. To follow and believe in those that have vision and ambition. Trust that. Thats the force behind the numbers. Invest in those people. Really look beyond the headlines and prices and see who has a philosophy and vision you can really stand behind. Thats what your trying to seek out. Even in crypto. How many of us know the creators. Know their ideas. Their mindset and why they are building what they are building. Thats a big piece to the puzzle. See where there is talent. A world vision worth fighting for. See where the road is going. Thats the fun of that world. To be involved. To see others succeed. But i have my own contradictions. Id love to see tesla succeed, and acknowledge as worthy as it is for investment, will i invest elsewhere where my money has more influence. More potential to grow. Which companies are already alive and sustaining, and which are still seeds needing support. Thats a big piece in everything too. See that its about finding what you love and feels alive. Find that spark and follow it.

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Buy a mirror and not a magnifying glass

How much of our pain and challenges are a direct reflection of our own emotional world, our own programming. Sometimes its hard to know how much, because we live in a society where many can live without ever realizing or acknowledging that. At times i even wonder, is this all just a make believe lense to view emotions and intensities we dont understand.

Its extremely tender areas inside to examine, and to give the ‘proper diagnosis’ to whats occurring inside you and in the world around you. Each of our pains leads to a different intuition and lense. It can be hard pressed forsure. Where is the truth anyways? Is it in the silent, painful, uncomfortableness of our thoughts, alone time, being? Its like an optical illusion, from a stressed state we see others as the problem, from a light and reflective state maybe we see our own rollercoaster ride thats just too hard to conceptualize or explain. That ‘too hard to explain’ part, is code for too painful to feel. We think, blame, run, avoid, all to not feel pain. We exist in our heads cause internally its the furthest place we can run from our body.

As we centre in and examine these, we learn whats authentically us (or atleast get closer to it). That journey may never end (I say that cause old people still say it doesnt end). We have built such systems and structures and blaming mechanisms and absinthe from responsability that it feels seemingly ingrained, unseperatable, from our own selves. Do these things ruin relationships, do they sabatoge our dreams, keep us trapped in unhealthy thought patterns and minimize our self awareness. How counter intuitive that thinking brings us further. Analyzing makes things more confused. The depths of our experiences are beyond the surface of our habits and patterns. When we venture further than those familiar paths, we discover more options then seemingly autopilot reactions. In these places and times is where hope and true change come. Celebrate the strange journey, through the invisible world of emotions. Our past too, is invisible. Its a story, a memory, an antique sitting buried in the attic or closet, long forgotten. And in that invisible world lies the framework of how you will show up in your present life. What you see around you, is more subjective then you might think. Welcome that reality. Embrace the uncovering of your illusions. See the invisible, more clearly then ever.

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Another day in paradise

Been a long day today. Sleep deprived from a late night working yesterday, and just generally in a mood of confusion and endless crossroads. Its a difficult time to be so confused. Chasing so many ideas, like a dog chasing its tail. Well, sometimes thats the tone and days of life – and thats fine.

I admire my posts here because they keep me connected to artistic, spontaneous, personal part of life. I like my heady engineering stuff i like to learn, but find this adds a charm to my day and personality. Im not here to riff on my achievements. Im acknowledging something is missing from there, and these posts make me feel closer and more intouch to myself and my creativity.

Now im not writing a story, not creating an epic trilogy of books. Its creative in the sense its free flowing, its intuitive what i write, but its not sci-fi, its not fantasy. Its very realistic. Its the difference i suppose between painting as identical to life as you can, and to paint as close to abstract as you can. Both serve a different idea of creativity from the same brush. One is sobering, one intoxicating.

So the formlessness of this blog persists. Im enthralled by that in many ways. How will this evolve and expand. Give it time and you will see. See how you have room to grow and learn. Feels good.

I see my food thoughts really come in heavy lately. I feel like a chef, imagining my next meal, fantasizing about it. Perhaps too much. Maybe thats my gift, to chase and create beyond the ordinary. Such is life. I enjoy that and just experience it for what it is. What that will turn into im not entirely sure. But i can be that. Breathe. What else to reflect on…

I ponder the civilization we live in with librarys packed with more then we can read and more restaurants then we can ever eat. How abundant we are. And what irony. For every book you choose to read, there are 1000 you wont. We live in an era where people try to read more, retain less. Quicker reading. How much of that is cosmetic, to be able to say i read that. I wonder if its like death. Hard to acknowledge how much we will never see or do. Are we trying to calm our nerves. By saying i read as many as i could. Who knows. Just witness, someone took years to write and brainstorm a book, and we sift through it like gold panning. How we want less from more people. Is that the method to peace. To pay less attention to more things. Im not entirely sure, but begs the question, are we too incapable to accept are smallness, just another book 8n the library, another meal amongst the restaurants everywhere. Can we coexist peacefully, indifferently, to the billions of people, endless options, and feel out intimate privacy amongst the never ending movement, stimulation, buzz around us. That lately feels like peace to me. Realizing what is is much easier then trying to fulfill some arbitrary game or race or pace. Relax. Breathe. It all starts to feel so clear in moments like that. Its not a quantity game, with money, experiences, supplements, etc. And that is a fundamental paradox to how many of us choose to live our lives. Sit in that. See where a journey like that can take you to.

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If you build the boat, life will make the ocean

Feeling an energy of burnout looming in me. I had to skip going to the market today as recently it, among other things, has felt like a chore and work which i cant rise to. Today is the saturday of a long work week for me. I can feel the burnout and exhaustion, but also the constant doingness, constant thinking of over commitments and fatigue. I can sense all that and acknowledge where i have room to grow and expand. As well, reflect that ive been here, tired and fatigued, many of times before. What to do from there, im not sure. All i can do is admit ive been here before and it seemingly comes out of nowhere. I feel like the frog in heating water, and suspect life itself is that journey – suddenly realizing im in the hot boiling water off old age, and then its too late. What to become and do of this? Where to next. What to next. These questions are confronting. Are depressing. Are painful. The realizations are tedious and tiresome. And well, those questions of integrity. What is keeping ones word when one feels too tired to do so. Too tired to follow through. When one does over do the schedule what to do to work on that. To change. Fundamental questions about doing arise. About realistic expectations. About growth. Sacrifice. And what the path looks like. What is the journey to take and where does intuition guide me? Feeling lately i cant tell whats intuition and whats impulsive autopilot thoughts. Cant distinguish. And find myself wondering am i allowing some aspects of my intuition to thrive and others to starve. Am i really bias as to what fits societal lenses and what feels easiest to do. Seeking some semblance of understanding there. It may come. And it may take time. Find im perpetually strategiezing what im going to eat. Overthinking food, and needing to know im having some certain foods to maintain my good health and joy. Ok. Thats a factor. Accept that. Let it be. Relax. And move on. Trust in the forces that be. Relax. And know youll make it through all this. Its confusing and alot but be gentle with yourself. The path has to unfold some times, moments at a time.

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My day

Gather round readers, come postpone your day and sit, listen to the details of my day rather than experiencing yours. Perhaps i can describe colours and experiences more vivid then you actually living them. When you are numbed, a detailed version can show so much you missed.

Dont get your hopes up, i dont really want to talk about my day. I tend to write thoughts rather than events. Ideas rather than incidents. Even now, now real vision of what to unfold. Note to self, stop writing i dont know. We know your going to do it….

Its another day in paradise of a busy life 8n this century and city. My highlight was going to the gym and having a veggie burrito. Also my lunch. Few moments at work. Funny how so many hours can feel merely background work, autopilot. Is it possible to have a routine that is more highlight. What changes will that ensue. What level of responsibility and awareness will such a shift need? Though provoking questions. I listened to a mens work podcast today. Got me motivated. Always ways to be more in tune with myself, connected to my passions and purpose. Even a solid gym day. Or seeing friends. All ways to find that inner shine. So we go along the journey. Accept what arrives. And just hop on stage and speak. Hit record. Buy the ticket. Start the journey. Very motivating times and place. Lean into that. Word of the day, integrate. Notice what you repeat. Are your bad habits just a place where you havent integrated better ones? Sit in that. See where you have potential to expand and grow. Do the work. And trust the process.

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Finding the flow

All my posts are these self help quotes, or self care ideas. It feels alittle predictable. Hard to really change things up or to step into a new idea. Well embrace what comes out i suppose. Hard to comprehend change sometimes. It appears in so many different forms. We are all human. And how things unravel can be very mysterious. Please accept my vague unspecific writing above.

Oh blanket words. Over generalized advice. This optimistic overstatement. Hard to right sincerely when every post feels immediately followed by some recovery words. To just have a low feels tough. Recognize theres a certain bias for certain content. Certain moods. Certain ideas. No company for misery these days. Accept such a strange time we live in. With all the things we have. And all the things we dont. To really see it all for what it is. Some posts are smaller. Not as clear. Alittle rushed. Most are alittle rushed. But im on my way. Acknowledging everything has its time and place. I wish i thought about each sentence before i wrote it. They all feel like they could be deleted. In the post where nothing is essential. Where everything is partially important. What a beautiful time we live in. Endless non essentials. To delete one is to delete them all. Where will the world transpire to? Nobody knows. Today was about being creative. I think i did that. In a weird strange abnormal way. Accept how we process the moment. Accept it i said! If you dont ill write some more reasons for you too. Oh god my writing is so weird. Okay one of those days. Hit post and cya later.

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The 3rd blog post in a week!

Sensational title adam. Seriously brilliant. Patent it quick. What to say? Not sure. Many thoughts and tangents to ride. Where will this hitchhiking spirit of go where ever the wind takes me have me end up? Im not entirely sure. I can stick to that safe bet, write about how i dont know what to write about. How i repeat myself on here. Follow the same formulas, even when i truly come into this with new ideas and possibilities. How i get upset about certain things in life repedatively. I feel so haphazard in moments like that. Blindsided by things that seemingly repeat themselves. Feels so unneccessary to suffer like that. We fool ourselves calling the routine a variety. Are we ever inherently honest. Deep adam. Real it in abit.

Perhaps im tired. I stayed up last night for the first time in a long time. Drank for the first time in a long time. So many firsts in a longs. Its nice to have an excuse.

Well the week starts up again. The November. Soon it will be Christmas. Holidays. Then new years. Then spring. Then summer. The path so laid out ahead of time. Yet in the moment. Those checkpoints seem so far. Is old age just as well a series of milestones. Career success. Relationship pinnacles. Major purchases. Highlight family moments and memories. And then old age. Health problems. It feels so predictable. Despite so many, millions of small daily moments. One on top of the other countlessly. And they will all be micronutrients in this soup called life. Suttle intricate tiny pieces. Its startlibg to wonder like that. To imagine and dream of life through those lenses. Well. Im honoured i wrote. Kept the streak alive. I didnt work out, maybe ill run? Maybe i wont. Maybe best to let the chips fall. Lately i can force myself to exercise but feel really winded and exhausted by it all. Can i do better on that? Idunno but i see im out of touch of what i need. Just feel into it abit. See how you can grow. Where you can evolve and transform. Believe in those processes and transformations. See where the journey will take you. ✌

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