I feel like I got alot to say right now. I think this story will be a collection of alot of ‘long story shorts’ sort of thing.
Im listening to an audiobook, that I was recommended at a party. In it the author talks about dreams. Its a marketing book, and it talks about how people want to believe. To believe in a better future. It talked about the 4 minute mile. That we all have our 4 minute mile. That things thats impossible, that were trying to prove everyone wrong on. Or we know someone who has done that 4 minute mile, and its proof that our dreams are valid and possible.
Theres a time where I imagine my 4 minute mile as being able to just travel endlessly. To be able to write whatever I want when I am in these places. That my writing truly inspires people, to believe they can do the same. That they can wander the world, see the amazing things it has. I recently looked at a travel writer interview online. I felt like even though it almost sounds like that – I felt like I wanted something different. And knowing clearly what the ‘different’ thing is has made it hard to label what exactly my ‘dream’ is. I want to travel and write but not be a travel writer. Ironic.
I was thinking about alot of peoples dream of traveling. Traveling Europe for example. I took 9 months and did that. I did the South of Spain, Bars in Berlin, Copenhagen bike rides, Netherlands canal walks, Budapest nights, Aushwitz realities, Paris mornings. Did I live that dream? Did I taste that romanticism I once craved? In some ways I did.
Am I that example for someone? Is that story above someones 4 minute mile? Its strange to think. I do recall, I left with that wind in my sales, that story inside. When I left Vancouver and flew to Europe I remember thinking “Wow, so this is what its like to make a dream your number one priority”. There was something so sweet and tender about being able to think that. It was strangely unromantic and depressing at times, and thats the rose and the thorn sort of reality of life, but I did see the rose, I did smell the flowers.
I wonder, I ask. Is that new 4 minute mile of mine really possible? Is it too vague, not helpful enough. To just write and travel. Not write ‘Top 5 of this location’ stories, or ‘Must try of that new place’ blog. I feel like the closer I get to the ‘dream’ feeling, the less helpful I think it is to other people. But maybe that is a dream on its own, to want something with no even exchange of it helping. Maybe living it, experiencing it, is the fullest expression of that gift.
I still reflect, what will it take to be that. Will one day I write something, that will ‘spread’. That my friends who read it will give it to their friends and say ‘I know this guy, you gotta check it out’. Will I make a campaign about getting my friends to each pay 10$, and maybe I can get 1000 people to do it and that will fund the trip and the book/writing that will follow. Can I get all those 1000 people to tell one more person. Do I deserve that? Well, that is the dream. That the people who love me and know me and believe in me find it worthwhile to pay that $10. To say, F*ck ya go travel the world, have your best life, we support you, we want to see you shine. Ya, thats my dream…
And it doesnt seem far fetch. I willingly pay 10-15$ for an author I truly love. Its a sacrifice of love. Im just astounded by their content. I yearn for that. And sure, Im not technically as good or as competent as many other writers, and I dont think that will be my strong point. But I think my clarity of what I do want could be it. And its hard to admit, because well, it can feel so far fetch. So…gluttonous and selfish, to just have shameless wants. But I want this. Thats my 4 minute mile.