Been a bit sleepless past few nights. Find moments like this seem to arise out of nowhere. I usually journal (or aspire to) in moments like this, but feel ill try to blog this one as well. I find my sleepless insights to be more emotional. I tend to be more frustrated. Maybe a defeated feeling, confused…i feel that abit now. Reminds me of the Coldplay lyrics “When you feel so tired but you can’t sleep”. What spawns that in us humans. That contradiction. Sleep feels like its almost in the hands of another power besides our own. When we want sleep we may not get it. Strange. Humbling. Abit nerve racking too. The illusion of control. We can get to bed but not to rest.
Im not sure where ill go with this. I feel ive been good at burning energy these days, but apparently not enough. Cold shower. Push ups, some yoga isnt enough. Feels two sides. You want to exert energy to tire the body, and do something relaxing to tire it. But just one or the other may not be enough. I find when i do nothing physical, and am having a very calm day, my body may have no deep urge or need for sleep. Those nights can be more slow to fall asleep.
Well, this has become a collection or gallery of different sleep thoughts. On display my few ideas at this moment on a topic fairly mysterious. The miracle of sleep too. Living in a human era of very uncyclical living, meanwhile sleep is so unlinear in many ways. Its ironic, its 10.27pm as i write this. Not late at all really, but subjectively is just a moment i wish to be in bed. How to explain how writing can be relaxing? Its expressive, quiet, contemplative, and explores my subconscious. Just free writing like this tends to change gears inside. So unexplored those phenomenon. How our physical life is affected by our creative, emotional, spiritual. How writing does more then just document something. How sleep changes based on our state of mind. Its so obvious, but why are we perpetually arriving to sleep in an uncomfortable state of mind to it. That transition from day to night. Is that piece missing? The wind down. The gradual change. Night doesnt arrive like a light switch, but for humans it does. How does one embrace that. Not sure. Technically id be better off not having this phone light to my eyes, but pitch black wasnt doing it for me moments ago. So innovation, try something else.
Well. Ive made my post. I feel a big desire to just doze right off. Ill find out if those prayers are answered 💤