I was watching a youtbe channel of someone who does science and physics videos. Initially he wanted to do film making but found it hard to ‘break into’ it. He went for school as an engineer and today uses the knowledge he learns to make films.
Its interesting. I imagine him in his teens having such an image of what film are. Stories about detectives, vampires, love. And to transform that to educational youtube videos is a great modern outlet for that original love.
I think of this in context to myself. As a kid i had many interests. First outdoorsy activities like hockey, skateboarding, biking, then psychology and personal development. Then business and entrepreneurship. Then music and song writing. Then travel and food. Health and veganism. Spirituality. Writing, Journaling. As of late electrical engineering and STEM (probably inspired by my lego and toys as a kid). I look back at this repetoire of diversity and skillsets/life experiences i have. How do they add up? What is todays outlet of so many different forces?
I think about that in a way. I feel like im a magazine on so many various topics. Writing. Inventions. Psychology. Travel. Who is this Adam?
I feel im searching for that perfect ‘outlet’. What channels most of me? Is there something that is all of me, or atleast alot of me?
These questions can be alot, and atleast now feels unaswerable. The answer is the search, but the question dictates what sort of journey we have. Experts have the answers, but lately questions that dont have answers feel more valuable. What is the path forward? What is that ‘thing’ im searching for, were searching for? I dont know. All i know is writing is a passion of mine, and to engage with it is to simply write. Theres no perfect, best, ideal way. Doing it is the foundation of any way. So blogging is fun. It gets me doing it. Keeps me attached to what i enjoy. Self expression. New ideas. Creativity. So im enjoying that and experiencing that feeling. Does it have to be more, will it be more? Im not sure. I think peace of mind comes when i dont care. The joy is the moment, the act, not what it will, may, could become. The experience of doing it is the reward.
Yes id love some golden arches bright white light break through. Im sure every human wants that. Some next step or next level to what we think is possible. Risking, new experiences, taking chances. You will never build that dream thing if you never start. I think a new level for me is also embracing failure. Sounds so cut and paste to say that, but to say it differently, to not need the completion of something to signify its value. Half finished things can be perfect things. Half finished degrees, careers, books, etc. I think we live in a culture obsessed with sticking it out. Very real force. I myself tend to only have one book at a time to help me finish. I atleast try, but if im not feeling it ill let it go. Try something new, see what comes from it. Easier said then done, but acknowledge when something isnt working and needing change. Live life and get your experiences, remove the titles and labels, and its just that, experiences. Cherish those. Thats all we got. And embrace the philosophy there are no ends, only means. Dont stick it out at what isnt for you for too long. That may eat at you in a way thats not the healthiest. Feel it out. For me writing is my place to play and finger paint ideas and colors and philosophy on the page. Welcome that journey 🙏
Living in Free Fall 