Feeling an energy of burnout looming in me. I had to skip going to the market today as recently it, among other things, has felt like a chore and work which i cant rise to. Today is the saturday of a long work week for me. I can feel the burnout and exhaustion, but also the constant doingness, constant thinking of over commitments and fatigue. I can sense all that and acknowledge where i have room to grow and expand. As well, reflect that ive been here, tired and fatigued, many of times before. What to do from there, im not sure. All i can do is admit ive been here before and it seemingly comes out of nowhere. I feel like the frog in heating water, and suspect life itself is that journey – suddenly realizing im in the hot boiling water off old age, and then its too late. What to become and do of this? Where to next. What to next. These questions are confronting. Are depressing. Are painful. The realizations are tedious and tiresome. And well, those questions of integrity. What is keeping ones word when one feels too tired to do so. Too tired to follow through. When one does over do the schedule what to do to work on that. To change. Fundamental questions about doing arise. About realistic expectations. About growth. Sacrifice. And what the path looks like. What is the journey to take and where does intuition guide me? Feeling lately i cant tell whats intuition and whats impulsive autopilot thoughts. Cant distinguish. And find myself wondering am i allowing some aspects of my intuition to thrive and others to starve. Am i really bias as to what fits societal lenses and what feels easiest to do. Seeking some semblance of understanding there. It may come. And it may take time. Find im perpetually strategiezing what im going to eat. Overthinking food, and needing to know im having some certain foods to maintain my good health and joy. Ok. Thats a factor. Accept that. Let it be. Relax. And move on. Trust in the forces that be. Relax. And know youll make it through all this. Its confusing and alot but be gentle with yourself. The path has to unfold some times, moments at a time.
Living in Free Fall 