I watched this movie the other day. Its about a Jewish living in Poland during WW2. It makes me feel very sad when i watch these films. The contrast to my life today is too extreme. The amount of destruction, killing, heartlessness. I find it gut wrenching to imagine such a world, and yet many people have lived it. I think of how crazy it must have been, for parents. To endure such pain, and have such few hopes or options. I dont think we live enough from awareness of how those times must have been. I find lately im more acute of this. Seeing the nice coffee shops, my shelves of food, the cars, electricity, and just the safety. Its made me more grateful for what i have today. My long day at work, could still be worse. My sleep deprivation, in all its unfairness and frustration, is still manageable. Inconvenient. Its a new perspective to humble myself. I start to wonder, chasing job titles, things, it feels so out-of context. Is this important in a world where these have taken place? Dont you see how lucky you are today. Why feel unhappy your not in some fancier this or that. I feel like im pulling at the thread of fabric. Starting to see the world as it really is. Its funny, i find i have to give up doing ‘well’ in this system to then learn why its all a game. A societal game and ranking and rules etc. That we all play and abide by.
Anyways. The movie has had an impact on me, and in some ways, i widh this was more of a conversation and focus amongst young people. I feel we are not truly intimate with history, past atrocities, and are just too immersed in todays politics and day to day events, to see its place amongst bigger contexts and life events. We get so involved in the game we dont even notice we are playing one. The knowledge and just depth of human misery that has been in this world is truly shattering and overwhelming. Its incomprehensible. And well, is easiest dealt with from a detached place.
My point is, im just noticing im viewing the world differently. Im contempt to be slower. To be more ok with less, more accepting of my tough circumstances. I find im more grateful im alive, able to learn about life and history.
At the same time i do feel myself wanting to protect myself. In some ways i am more concerned with have a practical, safe career. God forbid the workd ever fell to the place again id feel helpful. I recognize that sort of thinking seems abit extreme and fearful. Even amassing money. It can insulate to an extent. But also cant protect you, or others from circumstances out of your control. It can give a sense of meaning to chase something we believe gives us control. Thats not always the case. And maybe we are spending our freedom trying to create a false sense of security should we ever need it.
To conclude, theres alot to think about with all this. I can just state ive garnered a sense of meaning and purpose. It gives meaning to those peoples lives to see the world from awareness. Appreciation. Gratefulness. And also duty. No matter the times, there are those struggling. Somewhere. Being aware its not just back then that had pain. We can still improve and do good now. I think thats my message right now. Just being a better person and see the world through those eyes. The eyes of humanity.
Living in Free Fall 