Well, I feel when I set out on my Sunshine Valley adventure I had a big intention for more blog posts. Sharing the experience more. About perhaps a tiny home, volunteer fire fighting, a dog. Its ironic. With all those intentions, I have begun a job that is very routine based., and makes it not possible for some of these other things to coexist. I am not in Sunshine valley at the moment, and instead am around a 30 minute drive away. Its an unexpected change with all the certainty and ‘2 feet in’ energy I had to begin with.
I mentioned in my last post I got a job on the pipeline being built. This by no means is my dream job, or even one I feel totally comfortable in. It to me, is the next piece in my Sunshine valley vision. There were some housing dynamics in Sunshine Valley which was taking time to solidify. There was reality of work struggles, living in such a small town, and perhaps being too early there for stable consistent work. I could perhaps have done electrical but it would have taken alot of driving out to other cities, something I was looking forward to not doing after leaving Vancouver, since I had to do it all the time for my job there.
So, its a strange unfolding of circumstances. I feel I have found a job that pays me pretty well, has alot of work, and in its simplest form, is fulfilling my desire for a place in Sunshine Valley faster then any other option I had available. That comes with its price. Not identifying to heavily with my job, the community, and culture. I do feel the grief and mourning of that, especially after spending so many years of my life making those my highest values. Working for MEC, vegan restaurants, local bakeries, small businesses. I felt I really embodied those values and culture. And to now be working for a big pipeline feels shocking to me at times, and something I couldent imagine years ago. But I recognize, it today, fulfills my goal, in the way I need, and I need to lean into that. Its exposing me to people and work and environments I would never have had familiarity or experience with. So im grateful for that. Its a step out of my comfort zone. Its a life experience, and having me confront alot of projections and expectations I had coming into it. Aswell it does give me the money to support businesses and projects I really value. With that mindset, the more money I have, the more people I can impact. Aswell, the more money I make, the more I pay in tax, and that also goes to help in ways im starting to value more.
The work isnt always easy. The days are 12 hours, and I work 26 days in a row. Again, to my innocent life balance before this, it feels unthinkable. But I find ive managed pretty well. I find ive been able to adapt, and the job realistically, is not very demanding (thank god). So its a challenge, even mentally, to accept and acknowledge I am working that many days in a row, even if its easy work, its still a time commitment, to always be available, and the pressure to constantly adapt your life to such a constraint. But, with it comes its benefits. The financial gain because of that, and the tangible feeling of moving closer to that Sunshine Valley vision. its ironic, that I am having to leave that place to get closer to it.
At the same time, with all this Sunshine Valley talk, I have started to wonder. Is it truly what I want? The smallness and privacy of it? I dont know. Ive wondered. If I zoom out and use the same money im making towards a down payment somewhere else? In Tsawwassen, on an island, in Vancouver? Thoughts to have. Or going back to school. And to go traveling. Whatever decision ends up happening in the future, this job is giving me the freedom to make that choice. This is obviously dependent on how long I stay in that job, and that sort of work life, but for now, it is an exchange of time for freedom. Sacrificing my freedom today for a freedom in the future. Very much so, more then anything before, does this really feel like delaying gratification. But I feel called. I feel ready. I feel I have the capacity and the mindset to do it, where in the past I wouldn’t have. So despite all these noble visions and intentions, I still wrestle at times with the reality of working on a pipeline. And the questions of integrity I ask myself with that. Ill be upfront about that. Is chasing that dream of freedom worth it, and what are the costs. I dont need to answer that question right now, or gain others approval for the choice I make, but recognize it does sit there in my subconscious.