So sunny inside

Its another day after a fresh amount of snow has dropped. The mountains appear crisp. Blue skys. Kids outside, people taking their dogs for a walk. And with all this, i feel perfectly content at home.

Vancouver is a very outdoor city. The mountains. The forest. Rock climbers, mountain bikers, stand up paddle boarders. Trail runners, triathlon enthusiasts, skiers, people snowshoeing. So many various outdoor sports and activities. I hear thats why people come here. To experience nature, to see it. Yet i feel heavily entrenched in a work mode that seems to overshadow my desire for the outdoors. I think thats crucial. Its a prison when you desire the outdoors but have no possibility to see it. I think that is the difference between liking what your doing and not liking it.

Its ironic in ways to live in such an outdoor city and to be so immersed in indoor things. To be fair it is work stuff that i am passionate about, with hopes it will actually give me more time to go outside one day, but the contradiction of it is very apparent. To live in such an outdoorsy city, and for it to have this right if passage, to myself atleast, doing all these steps and processes till i feel ready and fully present to be there. Those forces feel very real and are very much so giving me the mindset and pace to move through this all and do what feels right. I just reflect to the days i worked at MEC, when i traveled so freely and leisurely, and to how much has changed since then.

This feels very much like the craftsman. Working in a workspace, learning. Understanding. While the world outside of me is busy, flowing, im solitary, focused. Its a healthy contradiction. Time spent in anything will take hours and work. So its worth it to really do it. I dont feel a sense of FOMO about the outdoors. I really dont want to stop what im doing and do that. I feel im actually being responsible for my future. Trying my best to be accountable, to be clear with what my goals are and what my purpose of doing this is. Some sense of financial security, of understanding a craft and meticulously learning and understanding it. That feels really gratifying to me right now. It can feel exciting, beneficial, and always so much to learn and understand. So despite the sunshine and snow outside, im good inside. In my own world, doing what i want to do and seeing where the world will take me for it. Just exploring those places and finding whats on the other side.

Its been a nice holidays to finally have the time and space to execute on these projects. To have the interest, discipline, passion, and curiosity for it all. I do feel grateful to be in that place. Life seems to simplify alot during that. So i trust my journey with it. Ill need to move on to new projects and ideas soon. So its apart of the journey to do my best. To learn my boundaries. To protect what i enjoy. And to make the best decisions i can while in the process. All apart of the experience. Onto new things when they present themselves, but for now focusing on the task infront of me.


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