So I finished Artist Way last week. 12 weeks of creativity and exploration. That was very meaningful. It opened up my courage to write more. To feel less attached to perfectionism, expectations, and to write simply for the joy and happiness it brings me. To tap into that and call it the day. It was great to reflect on that 12 weeks. All the introspection, drawings I did, kids movies I watched, tapping into that inner child force. Felt that spark a lot. It was very meaningful. Very glad for such an experience.
I seen today the world talking about STEM jobs, how they will be the future, how that is what the worlds needs. I noticed how right after reading that I wanted to do some coding, yet when I finished work and finally got home I was wiped. Felt like that ‘high’ or idea didn’t truly translate into anything. Felt abit deflated by that, abit like my expectations were far different than the reality.
Are we building that STEM world? Where those in that industry will have an easier ride then others? Interesting to think. I reflect on my childhood days of lego, of puzzles and games, and how STEM feels like a natural offshoot from some of those days. Yet, options, are always our friend and foe. Im doing electrical now and feel its teaching me a lot. I like to write. I was taking marketing in university. Am I a collection of seemingly unrelated fields? I question that at times. Where is the interconnection? Am I a track record of some things never done. Who knows. Can speculate forever.
In the Artist Way book there was an emphasis to not be so ‘product focused’. Think of it like a degree. Do we sacrifice the joy for the paper? The completion? Is it a loss to get half way and say ‘nope not for me’. Ill be honest a lot of my past has given me context on what the world is like. In different jobs, different geographies, different cultures. Deep dive into one thing sure may have taught me that, but I also feel grateful for the inquiry into many different aspects of life I have had. Step back from the ‘need’ for a clear, clean finished product. From the perfectionism of mastery. And just see it for what it is – someone following their interest or desires at the time. Must it be ‘wrong’ if it didn’t last to some checkpoint? 4 years for university? Making a living as a writer? Are things not worth it, are the payoffs not worth the time without these milestones?
Begs many questions. I can see now the workaholism in a way. Yet I start to think, even if I had way more money, there isn’t too too much more I would do. Really, if I had more money I keep imagining I would travel more. Which sure is great, but even where im at now I can travel. Many have a lot of money and may not travel so much. Is it all a chase for more comforts. Bigger cars, bigger meals, bigger vacations. Bigger tvs. Bigger photo books. Is that what its all for? Seems like a world of judging oneself and ones happiness through things other than ones work. Funny to be chasing the bigger and more, meanwhile living in a society burning out from lack of sustainability. Is all the ‘biggers’ going against all the principles of sustainability? Is less more rewarding then more? Smaller more precious than the larger? Work, ‘jobs’, how we spend our time, starts to become redefined in this view. It would be an utter failure to go to a job you dislike, no matter the payoff. To feel trapped there. Theres a certain validation in working, living the simple life of relaxing after a hard day, making dinners and lunches for the next day. It seems so…basic. But has this huge tone of inner reward. How different would our compass be if it wernt aimed at creating these lavish rich experiences. But these inner sense of fulfilment, accomplishment, discovery, health, balance. Im my unhealthiest when I travel. I’m genuinely growing and getting stronger when I work. Both are a fine balance. But I feel we are trying to lower our time at work as much as possible to tip the scales to the leisure and freedom and relaxation and travel side. To say success is as little of one and as much of the other. Is this an illusion? Ive travelled to a few cheaper to travel countries. I myself can feel a sense of guilt. Am I exploiting a flawed economic machine. Overvaluing white peoples time and jobs, and devaluing other cultures? That I need these vacations, and people to cook for me, to drive me, when I go to these other countries? Something about it. From the outside it looks so obvious to go to where its cheaper, but I think to deny the fact that we live in a world that has made privileges and restrictions based on where you are born. Its all so strange. How great to be doing work that betters the world and humanity. That solves problems rather than perpetuates them. That doesn’t make the gap between the ‘haves’ and the ‘have nots’ even bigger.
Its great to have money to spend on honest craftsmanship. Yet I’m feeling better and better about not judging myself or others by their job, their money or salary, where they live, what they have done. Its all just decorations, stories, checkpoints that may or may not even matter. I reflect on that. What work is genuinely meaningful. What outlook is genuinely caring. What makes me see the world with better eyes. What are steps in a right direction. Happy to ask. To reflect. May never know, but its nice to ask and imagine these questions, to wonder on the answers.