For weeks and months ive been looking forward to these holidays. To finally relax, have time to learn things on the internet. To not hurt my back, to wake up when my body wants. To not have so much pressure to complete something in one day. These have been minor stresses which have really accumulated over the weeks. The opportunity to now have more freedom and ease is something i really value and cherish.
It has brought up abit of guilt for me. Spending my first few hours really focused and clear and then loosing abit of momentum and clarity afterwards. I acknowledge it can feel like too much and can sometimes be daunting. Being able to articulate and predict what are reasonable goals and aspirations. And will me just having no structure and just wildly learning lead me there? Im not sure. It feels easy now, but i acknowledge it doesnt totally fall into my bigger vision or framework. And is what im learning truly turning into new actionable steps. Atleast my previous goals had real vision. Yet those visions feel less clear, and the instant reward of new projects feel exciting. So im giving myself a few days off the leash. My reward was to read. Im reading online. Its not a book. Its not leisurely. But i feel i am meeting my vision. I do feel good about that. I acknowledge it takes time and energy for things to transpire. Im just giving myself breathing room to go with change and allow my body to replenish and heal as it needs. Right now, just time to myself and clarity is really nice. So im embracing that. Rejuvination takes different forms in different circumstances. When we need to be private it takes this form. Learning. Discovering. Time alone. Not alot of inner work but alot of outer discovery. Embrace. See where the journey and path takes you. Itll be a good ride and just trust the journey to show you the way. Rejuvination, its a unique time. Allow that time to come to pass.
Living in Free Fall 